Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Terminatrix

'Twas a pleasant sunny afternoon, just the right kind of weather, before that slight nip in the air sets in to play squiggly-wiggly all over your spine. On such a day, much like today, a big fat Rainbeau went out to play. Etcetera.
Well, actually, not quite. There was a slight change of plans in terms of a violent cold and the immediate requirement of having to dispose of a mammoth piece of muddlesome muck, that one called a 'term paper', in a moment of derring-do. Of course, three can play at the term-paper-way-way-overdue-time-to-be-killed-by-prof game. So in joined the Bab'ly. Forward came the Squee. And Rainbeau presented herself, preceded by a flourish of trumpets [uhm .. noise made when nose is blown with great gusto] and a spraying of confetti [er .. snot, actually, but you're better off imagining confetti].
Now, you might think that the submission of a term paper that's only two weeks late is hardly cause for brouhaha. But have you ever presented yourself in college on a holiday, and demanded to meet professors, have you shaken your fist at all and sundry, swatted innocent bystanders with your channel file and glared at batchmates who lunge for your term paper like it was a delicious chicken anda roll [and who subsequently scoff at it like the roll metamorphosed into uchhe shedhyo]? [Now is a good time to glare at Bab'ly and look sympathetically at me.]
Anyhoo, the task at hand was to find the Professor in question, who, thank the Lord had been seen on the premises by others. But Charlie's Angels were we not. Our arses flew not hither and thither - we're three very grounded individuals. It was during the seventh cigarette, when Bab'ly had animatedly begun describing how aforementioned Prof. had once saved her from having her identity as Mathemagician discovered, that He arrived. Bab'ly looked here. Bab'ly looked there. Bab'ly looked up and down and promptly fell in love, all over again.
Which is neither here nor there, because of course now we had to run after him. He was with other delegates who had arrived to attend a seminar, on some topic that the meagre intellect of Rainbeau Peep chose not to grasp. So we jumped up, snatched term papers, blew nose furiously and prepared to sprint. And this is what ensued. The asides and things muttered under one's breath and thought to oneself are in italics.

Squee(wide-eyed and prepared to negotiate any form of penalty imposed for late submission): Will you two hurry up? We're losing him!
Bab'ly(blushing, eyes half-shut, either in love-longing, or she was trying to spot where He was going): ooh, giggles.
Rainbeau(huffing and puffing and trying to draw attention to the fact that once again, she was on the verge of death and too fat to sprint): Listen, do you realise we're stalking the man? Shouldn't we ... uhm ... holler?
B(grinning like a pleased cheshire cat): Oh, I've been stalking him for the last 3 years. I'm used to this.
R(wondering where her kerchief went, looking slyly at Bab'ly's kurti): Woman, we do not share your obsession!
S(frowning): Grrrr.
R(stirred to action): Bab'ly, go go, you love him, he adores you, it's the perfect setting! Pounce and we're right behind you!
B(moony and on the verge of passion-spasms): Oooh, look at him walk, look at the way the sun rays adorn his perfect salt-n-pepper hair. When I string him a crown of flowers, shall I use jNui or gNyada? (half-swoon followed by reckless giggling)
S(squirrel-like radiance be damned, Hellfire riseth): Our Father who art in Heaven ... Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil ...
R(ever the .. er ... plotician): Ok, Squee, you look innocent, professors smile at you. You go, we'll look over your shoulder and smile like angels. Tell him we've been looking for him since eternity. Tell him the papers are dynamite. Tell him hemlock is nothing compared to what we have for him. Forget nothing, reveal all! Ask him if we should drop 'em into his pigeon-hole in the office.
S(rolling eyes): Fat conniving ______
B(ok, you really just had to be there): Giggles, hohoho, heehaw. Oooh, I'm so nervous! We're soooooooo dead! (yea, she said it like being killed by Him was equivalent to a really good .. er ... uhm ... organism? ... uhm ... chocolate. chocolate.)
So then, Squee does a hoopla and canters up to Him. She pauses half a second to paste the Angelic Smile. If you'd seen Squee, you would know what I mean. That woman is an adorable devil in disguise. Very useful to us, therefore.
S(buck-toothed and beaming): Uhh, SIR?!?!
He-who-leaves-ze-fish-scrounging-4-her-gills(startled swirl): Eh? (very very wary)
B(gasping for breath, a loony toon): S-S-S-S-SIR! (yes, like S-s-s--rook khan)
R(sniffing and coughing in self defense): Er ... (hand outstretched)
S(undaunted): Sir, we were wondering ... (oh dear, she lost the thread!) .. term ... glub glub ...
B(hysterical): He loves me, he loves me not... he loves me ... (of course, she was saying it in Greek)
R(not to be left out of the action, violently swinging arms and other flabby parts of torso): Sir! Pigeon? But, Sir Sir! Pigeon!
Bemused Delegates accompanying Him: Aah, girls these days, I tell you!
He-who-etc: Hain dao (mildly embarassed)
Rainbeau catches hold of a swooning Fish.
Exeunt

p.s.:- Should there be no posts following this one, dear readers, point all fingers at Babelfish, and look for my bloated carcass in the JU jheel, where the Fish conducts various nefarious activities, most popular of them being to dunk unknowing batchmates into cold and filthy water.

18 comments:

Teleute said...

i want this post to be printed out and circulated through JUDE. i'll hand in a copy to He-Who... myself :D

heeheeheeheehee!

Black Jedi said...

RB, Love of my otherwise miserable existence, you write like I used to do once upon a time. When I was in college and without the mountains that I am Atlasing today, if you want a really bad metaphor. Soon, you shall be somewhere in my league.

cass said...

brilliant.pleez to be there when i submit my own paper to the blinking wonder himself,suk ch.on the day of my exam.it should make for highly entertaininmg copy.

Unjustified Insanity~~ said...

@ toote -- YEA Give it to him :)

@ rainboo -- brilliant brilliant :)

rainbeau_peep said...

Utey,
First Blabbermouth, then this ... there's only so much poor JUDE can take, really!

BJ,
That's an excruciating thought.
*shrugs*

Cass,
My genre is romance, not crime fiction ;-]

Kucho,
Don't give her ideas and go finish ur homework.

DD said...

osha.

why didnt i drop by before?

the picture is brilliantly created and the cinematography can be imagined with abs ease.

thenk u for such an account.

babelfish said...

You blinking wonder I'm linking this only because I promised to. If you really want to know what I thought of your account pray go read this. And if you don't comment i shall come back with suitably nasty comments

:D

Rimi said...

so this is where the the comic genius has been hiding! uff, i chocked on my brownie. ki brilliant tumi, man!

oh, and woman, do say hi to me once in a while when we're both at the ledge. I SAW YOU TODAY BUT YOU DIDN'T SEE ME!!!

rainbeau_peep said...

dd,
Would u care to produce my landmark b-grade pikchar, then? :-] Whether or not, do come again!

Bab'ly,
Blinking wonder?!?! Love, I may be the Dark Circle Diva, but the Blinking Wonder i am not.

rimi,
If you were eating a brownie, and I wasn't, then u were meant to choke on it. and apologies for having missed you on the ledge, my best social skills shall be polished and ready for u the next time we meet. :-]

jaded said...

hilarious!i was rolling on the floor, woman!
bably's luuurv affair seems to be going on quite nicely ;-)
ato beshi funny post ta je i am sure we will have to go look for your corpse in ju jheel now!;-)

babelfish said...

I have done my best to give you much free publicity, all of which I realize is pointless since there will be no post after this. You know why?! Not because I will push you in the jheel, oh no, wouldn't dream of it, but because anyone who wishes to murder you will do so with the happy assurance that I will get hanged for it
*beeble*

Dreamcatcher said...

Brilliant. Man in question should read it. I am sure he would love it. In fact maybe that is going to inspire him to let us off easily for our Paradise Lost test. :)

rainbeau_peep said...

Jaded,
As long as you know who to catch and put in hajot, I shall be a glad martyr to a good cause :-]

Bab'ly,
Everybody Loves Rainbeau. at least, they'd better. Grrrr *sharpens knife and prepares to threaten*

Dreamcatcher,
Should the man in question read it, paradise will be lost to Rainbeau forever :-[

Someone Somewhere said...

simply loved this post :)

erebus said...

nice... quite nice

rainbeau_peep said...

someone somewhere,
Thank ye!

erebus,
Glad u think so!

Acroyali said...

daarun!

rainbeau_peep said...

Acroyali,
Thanx much! Ur blog is mighty daruun too! ami praaye-i pori :-]