Friday, February 03, 2006

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

So then, 'tis the time for seminars and things academic that usually barely skim the surface of my balding head. Something about book history and palimpsests and pestilence .. or sumsuch, hardly important really, if you go to college to waddle from one end of the bridge to the other, that is. But but but ... strange things are brewing, dear readers. From amid the overcast gloom that academia spreads, from the dusty air of reference books, and the musty feel of too many brains in a packed auditorium - shines a tiny disco-light of decadence. And Sex takes centrestage, shirt unbuttoned, tight pants on.
Indeed, for inexplicably enough, the department has become a sexually charged space overnight. I give you snippets from conversations that have taken place in the last couple of days. Of course, I wasn't present mise en scene, which then gives me complete freedom to embellish.

A certain Mandull(catching hold of 2 unsuspecting truants loitering on the corridor): Aei, amar aaj raate duto chhele laagbe, ektu strong build er chye. Tomra choley esho amar barite raat kore. [Hey, I'm going to need 2 men for the night, preferably strong and well-built. The two of you come over to my place tonight.]

A little later, enter Prof-who-shall-not-be-named-since-I-have-proof-his-family-patrols-blogspot.

Prof-who-shall-not-be-named-since-I-have-proof-his-family-patrols-blogspot: Chhele pawa gyalo? [Have you ... I'll use the word 'procured' for effect .. the boys?]
The Mandull: Hain, eito era dujon. [Yes, these two.]
Prof-who-etc (sizing up truant and now, troubled, boys): Oh good! I thought you'd do with 1, but TWO young,strapping men! Better by far!

The next day, in college.

Prof-with-blogprowling-family to the two students: Tomra raate ghumote perechhile to? [Did you two get any sleep at night?]

Er ... the issue being discussed here was, that a couple of volunteers were required to go to the airport late at night, possibly with Mandull, to pick up some foreign delegates who were arriving for the seminar. [What did you think, you pervert?]

Snippet deux happened during lunch break on the first day of the seminar:

My friend, Starlet and an ageing American delegate with a red face and a jolly disposition, both scrutinising the dessert.

Jolly American delegate (looking at the rosogollas) to Starlet: Is that what you call the gulab jamun or the rosogolla?
Starlet: That's the rosogolla. Would you like to try one?
American delegate: Sure, but what does the word 'rosogolla' mean?
Starlet (without a batting of eyelashes even): Juicy balls.
Jolly delegate (grinning cocksurely): Now, that sounds highly improper!
Starlet(finally looking up from her plate to realise what she's just said): Oh! No! I meant ... (choking)
Mandull(in a state of panic, rushing to salvage the situation): No no! It means juice-golla, that is, juice-zero! yes yes, juice zero!
Nice ol' man(not quite pleased with the new translation, still grinning at Starlet): Oh, but your explanation was more interesting!

*sigh* Perhaps the good man has a friend back home who's a gourmet. He will go and tell his friend that rosogolla means juicy balls. Perhaps that friend will include the meaning in a food guide s/he will write. And then, American tourists will come to Kolkata and ... picture this ... a
friendly American lady enters your nearest Proshiddho Mishtanno Bhandar, goes up to your unassuming man behind the counter and says,"I'd like to taste one of your lovely juicy balls please!"

*sigh*

29 comments:

Ron said...

Erm...but why did he need two well built strapping boys? Any boy, regardless of his build could have done no? Are you sure there isnt more to the story?* looks speculative*

rainbeau_peep said...

ron,
Lol! u trying to get me killed naki?! we're talking abt profs here! no no ... luggage etc ... especially now with the airport authorities strike .. he prolly needed people to double up as trolleys.

Sphinx said...

HA AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

this is hilarious!

Casablanca said...

Oh god, this is freakin hilarious :D

BangaloreGuy said...

=))

peep, imagine if a yankee guy asks the same question!

the left will get more reasons against "westernisation"

expiring_frog said...

I still think that must have been one despo prof :).

babelfish said...

bechhara rainbeau, I think those leaving comments on your blog are more than eager to get you into oodles of trouble *giggles hysterically*

Teleute said...

the hunter of a manual cunt has started looking for strapping young boys too? good grief!
claudio, my love - what has been going on while i've been away?

Rimi said...

rainbeau my love, beware dimpled-smiled treachery! ;) (hint: look at comment above, above, no, higher up...)

rainbeau_peep said...

sphinx and casa,
hilarious but true! :-]

bangaloreguy,
Now wouldn't that be gay and dandy!

expiring_frog!
*in spasms of terror*
Aei chupppp!!!! You to keep absolutely mum .. dad ... er ... QUIET, i say!!!! *in victimised agony* [ I know where you've come from. You don't fool me! ]

bab'ly,
I can see that well and good. The enemy is near and wotnot. :-[

utey,
mairi, it was an entirely innocent exercise .. i mean, no no! Not exercise! issue. issue, innocent, non-sexual issue. and u peepuls do jaataa with me. ki kando. :-[

rimi,
I know, the horror of it all! To think I was hoping to get away! Fool that I am, I should've realised that if the father terrorises me into sitting in stunned silence for every single class, then the son shall have a likewise effect. The Father, the Son, and I'm the Holy Roast. :-[

expiring_frog said...

Bhaba jaye, li'l old me keeping the jude vixens in a state of stunned silence?

> The Father, the Son, and I'm
> the Holy Roast. :-[

Ah, men!

rainbeau_peep said...

ki shob okothhyo bhashaye gaaligalaj. :-|

Hey Ma Korolabodoni, tuley nao Ma!

Srin said...

LOL, "o ma korolabodoni".

bluefunk said...

*sigh*

expiring_frog said...

Eki, er modhye-i retired hurt?

rainbeau_peep said...

srin,
u worship Ma Bokeshwori?

Sweety,
languidly.

expiring_frog,
hain hain, u have the distinction of being star son bawa. no panga, i am genuinely scared. ki kori, renaissance paper er result beroyeni jey! :-[

expiring_frog said...

Why anybody would think I prefer acting the little birdie to grinning silently at juicy tales re parents is beyond me.

But now, I s'pose, everyone's going to shut up nevertheless, so s'long, and thanks for all the fish!

Deepali said...

i love your lil exaggerating ways RB- you bubbly lil 'baldy'!

rainbeau_peep said...

expiring_frog,
I wasn't making any such insinuations, merely cracking up like i usually do. However, looks like you've taken offence to all this, which was not my intention at all. U must understand that I have a lot of respect for ur father, it's hard not to- he teaches like a dream. I blog about profs because they're so much a part of our life, and because we have the privilege of sharing such an easy relationship with them. I apologise if you felt that I was being disrespectful, even though the post does mention the circumstances of whatever i've related. The post, I had hoped, would have been read in a light-hearted vein. I had not meant any offence, and no, I will not engage in a war of words with u, not, if we're going to be serious here, because you're my professor's son, but because I'm not blogging to create bad vibes or to show myself off as being especially cocky at the cost of hurting other people. Hope i've cleared things up somewhat.

Dee,
Shh.

Srin said...

S.C. is a a darling. I laww him.

expiring_frog said...

!!!

Or rather,

???

Honestly, there seems to have been some major misunderstanding. Where on earth do I suggest I took any offence (assuming your last comment was non-sarcastic)?

All I wanted to say was that if you thought I was a) offended, b) in a mood to cause "trouble" for you (as if I could) and c) I read (and commented on) your post in anything other than the most light-hearted of veins, then you couldn't be more mistaken.

Like everybody else, I like reading these slightly oddball (:D) stories about the senior C's because they show a side of them that I don't usually get to see. And it's great fun. Repeat (x 1000): THEY DO NOT "OFFEND" ME, and nor do your "insinuations".

Keep the stories coming, please, and assume, if that helps, that I'm not your professors' son. In fact, I enjoy them (the stories, not the professors... shit...) more than probably anyone else out there :).

PS: And the only sentiments in my last comment are of:
a) amused indignation, at the thought that my reading posts could actually get people so worried (?), and
b) wistful regret, since the stories seem to have dried up on most blogs.

Sheeshhhh... I can't believe I wrote all this. Ma Kumdonashini, amakeo tule nao.

expiring_frog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
expiring_frog said...

And a couple more clarifications:

1. A "little birdie" is a tattletale (e.g. "a little birdie told me..."). Now, analysis of sentence:

Why anybody would think I prefer A to B is beyond me,

where A = "being a tattletale"
and B = "grinning silently"

Note the word "to". Now what part of this suggests angst?

2. Your blog conveys no negative vibes or cockiness whatsoever.

babelfish said...

You have been having fun ain't you rainbeau? I shall now grin exultingly because I do not blog stories about the senior c's; this of course could be because I have no stories about them :D
butbutbut where is new post.

rainbeau_peep said...

*sigh*

Bab'ly, new post? NEW POST did u say? Get me a brandy and hot water first.

expiring_frog,
i put a spiel on u, and other clearwater redemptions. :-[

Teleute said...

ei je you hot woman (and no arguments about that form of address - i have had my views upheld by man who ogled you at glass menagerie and streetcar) - where's the next post?

rainbeau_peep said...

Utey,
Eki? Shaky! Who was he ogling at - the hysterical mother with jhogrutey-boudi khNopa or neighbour with wild hair and fake ghetto accent?! Ki shob taste aajkalkar chhelepuley'r. New posht ij uph - fNakibaaji jindabad.

mojo said...

innocent first year is wide eyed with wonder at such revelations .....wow!

rainbeau_peep said...

mojo,
kaun hai vye?