Saturday, March 04, 2006

8 Simple Rules

So then, I've been tagged by Laura and Utey. The rules of the tag being:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

The IDEAL MAN then, eh? Well, if we are going to be unrealistic, sure, here goes:

1. MUST be absolutely honest, faithful, dependable, trustworthy- Shouldn't suffer nervous breakdowns when under pressure [er .. me, i.e. and no, stop thinking dirty]. Should be a good friend to his friends. Should offer to help those in trouble .. you get the picture.

2. Must be a perfect gentleman- Shouldn't slam doors on my insubstantial nose, should say 'please' and 'thank you', at least in the midst of company. Must cook and clean - because I probably won't. :-D [Not all the time, at least]. Helps if he isn't very loud. I find it difficult to speak with people who are loud. I like hearing my voice above everybody else's.

3. MUST be clean - No wiping snot at the back of palm (or on my clothes), no farting in public (at least not till you're 79 and just can't help it), no spitting on the road, no peeing on the road, must wash hands after using the bathroom. And MUST bathe and brush everyday. You're not excused just because Queen Elizabeth got away with it 450 years ago.

4. Mustn't be very pretty - All the pretty men I've come across have been vain in varying degrees, and that's a put-off. The only reason D would check the rear-view mirror when he was driving was to see if his hair was in place, to ensure he still looked good. And, I mean, he'd check at every traffic stop, goddammit! He would flex his muscles to turn me on. :- T spent hours and hours shopping. He changed the colour of his hair twice in two weeks! It is .. uhm, not my thing. [Abhishek Bachchan, should he wish to apply, is exempt from this rule].

5. MUST call me a goddess at least once every day, and really believe it- Must think I'm awe-strikingly beautiful, immeasurably witty and undoubtedly thin. MUST have faith in this delusion. Must think hairy legs are sexy and waxing is a sin. :-[

6. Should love children and dogs. Should be prepared to have neither. Must be open to living together and not marrying. Should be prepared to get married maybe, at age 64. In a Swiss chateau atop a snow-capped mountain. Should be fit enough to sustain the shock of finally having been netted. Should be fit enough to not need life support at high altitudes.

7. It would be nice if we had at least a few common hobbies and 'passions'. Food and solitude are passions that he might want to share. Should love travel, which is gong to be my hobby as soon as I can afford it.

8. May have the postal address "Buckingham Palace" and answer to the name of William Windsor, sprung from the womb of the beauteous Diana.

Glug. I tag the following hapless souls: dd, panu, bab'ly, dee, acroyali, ron, jaded and sweety.

10 comments:

expiring_frog said...

There is no Swiss chateau atop a snow-capped mountain high enough to require life support.

Anonymous said...

bari ja !

Teleute said...

There is a certain man who has expressed a desire to dump a certain woman for you, should you happen to be single. Are you willing to consider?

Dreamcatcher said...

Let us know when you meet him. :p

the still dancer said...

now one phainalee knowsh what women want. or at least ravensh. but have dogsh? err...umm... ishn't that a wee bit diphicult?
and my blog egjishtsh. ashk telytoot. she haj the url.

Casablanca said...

Must think hairy legs are sexy and waxing is a sin.
ROTFL!! That really is hilarious :D

rainbeau_peep said...

expiring_frog,
At 64? It really depends more on the man than the mountian, don't u think?

anon,
rege geli?

Utey,
Aah, my dear. How my heart goes into epileptic agony every time u say such things. can't u see behind the charade that is my heterosexual life? It's really you i want, m'luv.

catcher,
I have a rational belief that I never will, alas! :-[

shtill dyanshar,
I knew shum waij man bhill aks me that koschains. by habhs i means to be in possession oph.

casablanca,
u must either be male or one of those abominable women with milk-n-honey skin and no body hair. Nobody else would find this funny.

Tiny Black Cat said...

one of those abominable women with milk-n-honey skin and no body hair

oh, and i thought only i loathed that type! and william windsor, indeed. i wanted to go to st. andrew's once upon a time, for him. but then calculated that even if the most improbable accident of me getting a chance takes place, he would be well out by then. hee.

Casablanca said...

Erm... well.. I am neither. I am a girl, with the fair share of body hair, the removal of which has kinda become second nature to me :)

PS: Its not for the guys, but doesnt it just look much cleaner after waxing?

Mon said...

:D lol "..must think hairy legs are sexy.." and "...but doesnt it just look much cleaner after waxing?"

I enjoied reading this post and the comments.

btw, how do u tag someone?