Sunday, May 28, 2006

I'm trading. Lives. And we're having a [grin-n-]bear[-it] run.

Please come back in a week for more exciting adventures.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

And So Long After

When love begins to sicken and decay,
It useth an enforced ceremony.
There are no tricks in plain and simple faith...
- Julius Caesar

Sunday, May 07, 2006

John Woo Peep

Incident I :

Golpark, near Mouchak. Around 6 in the evening, a crowded kerb. Lovers waiting for each other by the weighing machine, biker dudes fielding for bejewelled, nubile women lash-batting on a lipsticky wicket in shapeless Gariahat footpath petticoat skirts and crinkly tissue-paper tops. Rainbeau Peep dragging her oversized bottom and giganormous jhola like the thieves on the Cross. [read: tired]. ARSEhole steps in front of her, elbows the breast she barely even has [maane she Has Two. But Barely. Uff. stick to the story]and smartly skips away. Rainbeau Peep in an astonishing show of strength of mind and body catches him by the scruff of his untucked shirt and marches him to the traffic policeman, uttering such legends as,"Cholun! Cholun! Baar korchhi oshobhyota!" On flashback, she may have clutched on to his arm while crossing the road to get to the cop, but we shall hope such things didn't happen for the sake of maintaining the Peep's superheroineism.

Incident II :

Same week. We find our superheroine, Rainbeau in a taxi, hair in a bandanna [mathaye gamchha, if you're going to be a stickler for the truth] to hide the remnants of zinc oxide, left over from a dress rehearsal. On the unwieldy middle of the Dhakuria bridge, the taxi, ignition off due to horrific traffic jam, slides backward and gently makes love to a motorcycle, standing behind. Enraged mobike dudes come up to taxidriver, grab him by the collar, call him names, say he will have to pay - all this time looking Rainbeau Peep in the eye and smiling crookedly. Cars honk, go past. Biker dudes refuse to let Peep's taxi budge [although no damage has been done to their decrepit old mobike], whip out 2 cellphones each, and punch in numbers, by now grinning at Peep and occasionally punching the cabbie. Peep's insistence on taking the matter to the police station fall to wax-blocked ears, as know-it-all [read: no-wit-at-awl] dudes say the matter MUST be solved in the middle of the bridge. Nobody really knows what the matter was, though. Crowds gather, people tell our young anti-heroes to just leave it be and get on with their lives, but they're juggling cell phones like an action sequence gone horribly comedic. A sergeant comes after some 20 minutes of screaming, tells cabbie and bikers to go to the Lake Thhana, and chugs away without a care in the world. Happy with the way things are going, BD 1 takes his bike and sets off for the police station, BD 2, slides into the taxi, next to a fuming Peep.
Our superheroine decides, it is time for ze action [repeat: akseeyown]. As the cab turns around and makes its way back down the bridge towards the Dakshinapan side, Rainbeau finds a whole entourage of police jeeps and policemen waiting outside the mall - clearly a sign from God. Being late for an appointment, Peep carpe diems, in a manner of speaking. Tells the taximan to stop in front of the jeeps - howls to bewildered and now blubbering biker punk to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" [yes, Peep writes awl her dialogues herself. Pliz to not plagiarise.] jumps out of cab[like jackie chan, mind you] goes to the policemen [a good 30 of them gather around to pay a gamchhaed Peep a whole lotta heed], explains to them how unkaalcharred young men of this generation, maane ki bolbo apnake syar, have been harassing her, daring to sit next to her without permission, creating a ruckus over nothing, not letting an ambulance pass on the bridge [really, they didn't] and sundry such offences.
Lots of interesting things happen, but to cut a long story short, taxi-sliding punk is asked to step into a jeep, taxiwallah is asked to follow the jeep to presumably the Thhana, another taxi is hailed for our heroine by chivalrous policemen, Gotham City is saved, as it were.

Indicent III :

A couple of days back. Elgin Road in the boiling heat of a sweltering afternoon. Having emerged from Forum after some shopping for Aunt, Rainbeau Peep steps into a taxi, seeing as how a sunscreen lotion would cost just about the same amount as the taxi fare to get her back home. Very economical, is our Rainbeau. {Very broke too} Traffic jam. They're always trouble. Taxi stops right across from a paan shop, opposite Big Bazaar or whatever that place is. Henna-haired young man sips his Pepsi and gawks at Snazzy Sunglasses Peep. Aah very well. Peep looks away. Taxi doesn't budge. After a while, having looked in all directions in dehydrating hopelessness, Peep turns back at the direction of the paan shop. This time, Henna Crooknikova winks at Peep. And then, slowly, taking his time, sticks his fat pink tongue out and licks his thick dark lips, eyes still fixed on Peep. Taxi does not move. Man repeats routine of winking, smiling and licking lips. Peep does not find his brand of flirtation quite so very bewitching. That's it, says RB to herself. To the cabbie, she says,"Ek minute". Gets out of the taxi, walks up to the man, standing around 30 feet away, gives him a resounding slap across his sweaty face, [Background sound: Fataaaaaaak] walks back to the taxi and gets in without a word. Taxi does not move for another 20 seconds. Lucky for Peep, the man was too stunned and still holding his Pepsi bottle to react. The last time RB tried the resounding slap- during a theatre workshop- it only ended up in an ugly, unintentional, scarring scratch.
Anyway, there may have been some slight whimpers of "Bitch" and ... never mind - but the turgid male ego went, as Aishwarya Rai says best,"Phoooos!".

The point is, I used to be very scared of reacting. I'd quietly slink away, ignore, look the other way. Most people I've said this to, tell me I should be more careful, because I travel alone so much. But this ... uhm ... emancipation is .. uh ... addictive! [At this point, observe our sylph-like heroine getting attacked by gnarling anti-feminists]. Help!