Saturday, August 12, 2006

Laxative

Call me bitter and prophesy for me a loveless future of grey hair and 17 cats, but I don't get certain couples. You know, lovers.
There's the sort that will go out together, coochie-coo on couches and dance the hubba-hubba with a red rose 'tween their teeth, but they will also have separate lives. Separate friends, whom they will concede to meet. Alone. That's the sort I'm rooting for.
I can just see you invoking the Curse of the Catfur on the red velvet sofa I shall be purchasing in a burst of orgasmic passion and optimism when I'm 25, only to realise that, hello? wherefore the passyon? whozza gonna do da jiggy-wiggy wid me? Yo, Nobody. [Stopit. I don't do the ... uhm ... vagina monologue.. to put it subtly]. And then I shall spend my lonesome nights brushing illusory fur off my raggedy lilac sweater and nursing my gout and my grief.
It's this other sort - the joined at the hips, the ones who can't breathe a blooming second without each other, that I can't get. I have a friend, I've known her for 20 years now, we're all about the ya-ya sisterhood and these days she can't meet old friends without the boyfriend freaking tagging fucking along EVERY bleeding where. Uhm, ok, so, he's alright. Not bad at all, loves her and seems like a good person. I mean, I have nothing against him. But this is the girl who used to bite me in lower nursery when she was peeved. We had a warrior dance. We grew up together, we cried together [she did. me, i'm a clown. ahem.], we fell in love with the same boy [ok, yea, that was bad] and spent endless nights talking. Just talking. And now, I can't meet her unless her boyfriend is free. Anyway.
On a more festive note, please congratulate J and Kneo, who are at this moment wallowing in love over good wine and pepper devilled crabs at Mocambo, in celebration of their third anniversary. Those two, they're incredible. They've squabbled and fought their way through love like I've never seen before. I'd raise a toast to them, but the bastards didn't invite me.

In other news, my mother and my aunt have taken it upon themselves to get me a life. Much in the manner of Opal Mehta, I suspect. Topmost on their agenda is to drag me kicking and screaming to the Tolly Monsoon Bash, next Saturday. Turns out, men will think I'm really hot and oh-so-cool, if I'm seen at a place of debauchery and forbidden fruit with aged family members.
I need company - anybody I know going?

As I had always known, applying mehndi on the hands of an unmarried woman proves lucky for her marital prospects. I have been proposed marriage by 3 individuals on the same day. So what if two were women? I am most pleased with the progress.

21 comments:

goodstryker2003 said...

Yaaay, finally someone listens to me.....uber!!
Happens all the time with guys too...some of ze donnas can be sooo clingy!It does offer some distinct advantages too- gives you something to look at when the conversation flags n u can always make her pay your bill....hahaha!
Well, u seem to be pretty observant about 'life'.So whats ur take on 'safe ' couples?

goodstryker2003 said...

matha fatha kharam hoye geche....etodin THC payi ni bole ki shob ulta palta likhchi....vacs without friends can be so infinitely boring can't even bear to watch friends or baywatch anymore..............

"sen"sational said...

and who was the man??? heehee...

Opaline said...

I did'nt ask you to marry me, btw. You asked me to marry you, in fact. Oh wait, you dont know I use this id.

Rimi said...

Oh dear, you asked Opaline to marry you? Cradlesnatcher! Ishh, ki bolbo only.

And I shall speak not a word about joined-at-hips whatevers. Not a word. Inner monster on strict leash etc.

Who's the other woman? Tell all, Peepsie ;-)

rainbeau_peep said...

goodstryker2003,
Dearly beloved. Why do i never know what ur talking about? Wozza THC? Why would any sane person watch something as mindless as baywatch?
Don't ask me about safe couples. Being 4-failed relationships old - I doubt that I'm safe myself. who knows? I just dislike couples who lose their sense of individuality. That's all. Anyway, that was a personal rant abruptly cut short when better sense prevailed.

"sen"sational,
Aah, my dear. Who else, but our eager Leontes? Although, he appears to have taken it for granted that we are married. Which is a little distressing.

Opaline,
nope, i don't know who u r [srin? did i ask srin to marry me? c'est possible], and anyway, if I asked You to marry Me, then clearly you don't fall into the category of 3 who proposed to Me? right?
I'm asking anybody who'll stop and listen to marry me! Or to get me married off, at the very least. [Do you know anyone, incidentally?]

krimi,
[If i'm going to be pesticide, you might as well be worm. beshi chini khelei krimi hoye, so take it as a compliment. also, k stands for constant, so .. uff, i am full of brilliance, wottotell i don't know.]
which other woman? the joined-at-hips friend is a school friend you're unlikely to know.
the marriage proposal - well, proper women don't kiss-n-tell :-p
Utey and I are in negotiation, though. ;-]

goodstryker2003 said...

You answered the question yourself ....cuz its mindless!Where else can ya see a paralysed david haselhoff taking on a hispanic-arab terrorist.As for THC, just google for it .

P.S.:Orom hoy.Rants are good for you...I'm getting prepped for one myself ,Mum's dragging me to KANK at Inox...:-(

Deepali said...

well rainy dear, should you decide to at some point take up either of the two on the offer do remember - it's legal here to be married like so!

Thus your worries have been taken of. Momentarily.

=D

Rimi said...

Marattok impressed by Krimi. Eta boltei elam. Eibaar tata.

panu said...

Ah dear... was that I who proposed? I have a very unremarkable memory I daresay...

If it really was me, I hope you like bigamy.

Dreamcatcher said...

The Krimi comment-ta khub bhalo. Aar oi joined at the hip coupleder amar shojyo hoy na. Anek party to boyfriend-ke niye bathroom-eo dhuke jabe mone hoy. Actually erokom-i ekta meye korechilo. How absurd!

rainbeau_peep said...

goodstryker,
Do let me know how it was. Really really wanna watch kNyak myself.

dee,
not the slightest chance. One of them is big, but neither are millionaires. You gotta be both, or I'm out. :-D

Krimi,
keya kaand hai! ki kharap taste, mairi.

panu,
oshombhob kharap heroic singlet likhe diye sign off korlei ki ami shob bhuley jaabo bhaabchho? shei bhubonbhora bhalobasha, sheiiiii victoria-ye chhola-bhaja, sheiiiiiiiiii aalto korey shurshuri?!?! Na NA panu ey hotey paarey naa!
*kNaacher churi bhangiya feliya mati tey murchha*

dream,
iye. ota to maane ... iye ... frem. bf ke niye bathroom e dhoka ta kinky sex hotei paare - jeta thik aachhe. jodicho onyo karor hishi peye thakle ekdom-i thik nei.

The Alluder of Alliterations said...

pronam.. are you planning a monsoon wedding by any chance? Who is going to be the wedding planner?

jhantu said...

i hope you said yes to the woman, and if and when you did make sure that someone has a bucket full of jello in hand ;-)

imhunt said...

from your dandy template it takes me bak to this brown paper covered text field. There a Mocambo in Calcutta too?

panu said...

sharse!!

goodstryker2003 said...

Pagol na petkharap je dekhte jabo!*grinds teeth n rolls eyes*
I invoked the gods of rock n managed to vanish at the critical moment.
Thank ze gods for ze litil mercies!

There is something to be said for KANK(n other Yash Chopra,Karan Johar type fillums),unfortunately its quite unprintable!

Utey the Cutie said...

Marry me NOW!

Ancalagon The Black said...

hmm... marriage of convenience's are also marriages... what say you to that?

rainbeau_peep said...

alluder of alliterations,
i'm considering it. if i do go ahead, i'll let u munch on flowers and make love to the help. promise.

jhantu,
yes, you'd like that wouldn't you? unfortunately, given the BMI and the verdict of the weighing machine, the bucketfull of jello would be me. :-[

imhunt,
u mean u didn't fall for my stupendously tech-savvy act? :-[
Of course there's a mocambo here, it's been there from before i was born, which was a really long time ago anyway.

panu,
o ma! ki sundor chhobi! laabh at farst sight!

goodstryker,
ok, now this is serious. i'm going to say this once, and i'm going to be nice this time. we do not say anything against yash chopra or karan johar here. Nothing, ok? I love them - i've seen DDLJ probably more times than than the number of years i have to my age.
Now you be a good human being and take your mother to watch kNyak, and then you come back and tell me in details how wonderful it was.
don't just sit there?! GO!!!

cUtey,
uhm, as per plan, you have 3 years to marry a millionaire, divorce him, take all his money, and give me a call.


ancalogon the black,
i really don't know. don't all marriages beocme marriages of convenience after a point of time? and when they don't, it's called divorce, isn't it?

Ancalagon The Black said...

very astute indeed... I bow to thee...