Me(18 hours before the Modernism Core internal, for which i have neither the texts nor the notes- hanging from the ledge, as I am prone to, before a test): Fish!!! Do you have notes!!!
Fish ( visibly perturbed, as she is prone to being, every single day of her life. Hullo, Fish, I know there's a thin chance you're reading this. But you do always look hassled, love): Vulva! Labia!
Me (nonchalant, as if that's just the sort of reply any normal human being would expect): Yes, that's alright. But NOTES?!?! for tomorrow's TEST?!?!
Fish (being cat on a hot tin roof): 85 rupees! For print outs! Bloody gender studies paper! Labia clitoris! Majora minora!
Kind readers, please note that Fish is not to be confused with our friendly, neighbourhood Babelfish, who has always been endearingly referred to as Bab'ly on this peace-love-n-harmony promoting blog. Inquisitive readers must therefore not assail Bab'ly with questions about female body parts and suchlike. Leave Fish alone too, of course.
J (emerging from a classroom with glassy eyes, a grey-green pallor to her skin, and laughing like the devil): HAHAHAHAHA! Humanism porikkha!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I used the word 'madness' in every sentence of every answer!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!
(proceeds to make some particularly distasteful jokes, till I lure her into Milon Da's and guzzle coffee down her throat)
Squee(on the day of one of the 21 thousand tests we've taken in the last couple of days, grinning like a pleased peach, following a very loud and very public confession that she knows nothing): Don ko pakarna mushkil nahi, namumkin hai
Me (poring over notes and occasionally looking in the direction of Gate No. 4, for Knight in shining armani to arrive with a halo of smart perfume and an entourage of Mercedeses): Shutki, shutup.
Squee elocutes the entire plot of Vivaah, which she has watched and is very excited about.
Me: Look, I'm going to bury you under my mound of xeroxes.
Squee: AAHISTAAAA AAHISTAAAAAAAAA, HUM SHAHEED HUYEEEEE!
(she claims this is a song from some film starring Abhay Deol. Yes, she's seen it. Yes, it has the potential to become the next pre-exam Departmental anthem, following in the footsteps of such masterpieces as "gaand mein danda" and "mujhe sutta na mila")
The times they are a loopy, my friends. The department is full of raving lunatics, overstressed, underslept, scuttling about with term papers in their hands and murderprofs in their eyes.
Me, I shouldn't be writing this at all. I have yet another test and yet another paper to submit on monday. Right now, I am supposed to be writing things about Shakespeare. And then reading some about how a conniving *cock-a-doodle-doo* named Jacques Derrida, wrote a million pages of theory because he wasn't man enough to admit he didn't know the spelling of 'difference'. Bloody hell. No, really. Man wrote an essay about a spelling error and called it his theory of deconstruction. Or at least I think that's what happened. I am so not passing that paper. I mean, what else do you expect, when the classes for the course entail your professor wanting to know in all seriousness, the answer to his query:-
If the Mona Lisa is in the Louvre, then where is Hamlet?
I mean, really. Wot the fuck. First "wherein lies the bedness of the bed?" and now this.
Excuse me while I bang my head against a stonecold wall.
Anyway, this post is in honour of my friend Rahul, who has just informed me that he reads my blog! Hey ya, Rahul. :-] Stand up and take a bow, will ya? And don't forget - only 12 years to D-Day. :-p