Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Please Don't Think About Sex While Reading This Post

Subject: [breathes heavily behind closed door]
A person, let's say X: Do you need help?
Another person, while we're being imaginative, Y: Open up! Let us in!

Subject opens door. Looks embarassed. Focus on unzipped fly. X and Y go in.
Door closes.

Subject: Uh, oh my God. No, I can't do this. I can't do this!
X, presumably: Yes you can, we're here to help.
Y, without a doubt: Suck it! Just suck it in!
Subject: Hochheee naaaaaaa!

Heavy giggling ensues.

Y, as it would seem: Look, I'll hold it up from the back. X, try to get it through the hole.
Subj: Oh! Aaaa! Oh! Oh! Oh mummy!

Noise of communal panting.

X: Ok, almost there. I got it.
Y: Suck in, goddammit!
Sub: Yes! Yes! It's going in!
Y: Lean against the door, it'll be easier!

Crescendo of unmentionable sounds.

X and Subj: YES!!!!! We did IT!!!!!!
Y (wiping the sweat of toil, as the case may be): Wooh! There there. You're not a virgin any more.

Dramatis Personae:
Subject - Our beloved lil numb.
X - The inimitable Bobby G., otherwise known as Bob/Vuv/The Starlet.
Y - The Rainbeau in all your collective consciences.

The Setting:
Inside a fitting-room at the Park Street Levi's store.

The Action:
Trying to get Numb to fit into the pair of jeans that had fit snugly the evening before, but stubbornly refused to acknowledge her presence the morning after. [So like men, do I hear you say?] The 'it' in the first instance thereby, as all substantially endowed women will recognise, meaning her stomach; and the 'it' of the second instance and all subsequent instances referring to all several parts that make up a pair of blasted denims.

The Themes/Lessons Learnt:
[1] If you want a pair of jeans to fit perfectly, you must seek the help of friends and proceed to embarass a storeful of customers who just want to shop without distractions that take the shape of seemingly lesbian orgies.
[2] The Peep, should she ever be reckless enough to buy and wear jeans ever after, shall do so alone, in top secrecy. And it shan't be at the Park Street Levi's store. Nope.

To celebrate our success, we lunched at KFC, and vowed to stick by each other in fatness and in belch.
Which makes for a happy ending. Except that I need to buy a pair of jeans.


Anonymous said...

Chaluni, er poreo tui chuchke chyada dekhabi rey?? You will still be calling the kettle black after THIS?

Rapid I Movement said...

Potty Mama!! Hoochie Mama!!

Anonymous said...

you left out the,"next time let's try it lying down" bit.
not to mention, "aabar dorkaar holey aamra tor bari chole ashbo".


rainbeau_peep said...

having the same waist size as i do will not make u hrithik roshan. it's still shameless. and ur still anatomically disproportioned.

eto excitement er kono maanei hoye na. ogulo shomosto in the past.

true true. ogulo-o. mairi! achha, when is the going to college to happen?

TC said...

HAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! reading it seems funnier now than it was then!!!!!!!! hahahaha!!! i think i pulled a muscle that day n today reading this!!!!!! jesus!!!1 and for the record it has fit me fine now.........waiting for the next bout with it after a gap of a few days!!!!! hope u and vuv are free kal..........will need u guys again!!!!!!

Rohan said...

Stumbled upon your blog. Wonderful reading.