Sunday, February 04, 2007

My father's closest friend passed away this evening. I found out when it was raining outside, and I was listening to Sympathy For the Devil. God has a macabre sense of humour.
When the weight of the world becomes too heavy to bear, we make light of things that concern us most deeply.
My father has spent the last three hours since he got home making phone calls to anybody he can think of and talking about the weather. In our family we don't express grief.
The loss of a best friend. It begins with a cold numbness while you stare wide-eyed and disbelieving at the world, suddenly bereft of the company you didn't think you would ever be without. Months, sometimes years go by, until you stop questioning the existence of that heaviness caged inside your ribs that travels up to your throat sometimes but no amount of gagging will release it.
The pain, sticky, slightly sweet, never leaves.
My mother is counting the money she stands to lose, now that Arun Uncle is no more. They were business partners.
My father is suffering a financial and emotional loss far beyond anything I can comprehend.
I am tearing down the plastic moneyplant that winds itself around a lamp that hangs down three floors from a long brass chain attached to the ceiling on the top floor of our house. Superstition is a weakness born out of weakness.

11 comments:

Ricercar said...

its hard to cope with something so big. whatever words anyone says seems hollow so i dont know what to say. hope your father feels better soon.

Anonymous said...

Friendship isnt as ephemeral as it seems Rainbeau.It is supposed to linger long time even though it can be thoroughly intangible. Many a times human minds are chained and are encumbered with lot of burdens of worldly preoccupancy.So much so,friendship turns out to be the most superfluous virtue under those circumstances... but tell you what.. it never goes. Maybe it might not show up in an entire lifetime or maybe it might,but never lament for the loss of a good friend. A friend is never lost. It will linger and trust me,it is supposed to... take care... :)

"sen"sational said...

'superstition is a weakness born out of weakness.'

Suddenly, that made a LOT of sense.

rainbeau_peep said...

ricercar,
Thank you. I hope so too.
I see you've made changes to your blog. What is a ricercar, though?

anon,
lol, i'm not sure i follow ur train of thought. ur talking about something that is not ephemeral, but ur also saying it can be intangible and superfluous. in my world, friendship is another relationship with it's share of responsibilities and commitment. it is anything but intangible, or superfluous. and nothing kills intimacy more than neglect. it is all very nice to be prosaic about these things - like you or i have been, but at the end of the day, it's really something as simple (you will perhaps say as trivial) as whom u call up if you've burnt ur finger. or heart.
Thank you for your comment. You take care too.
Glad to see you're still putting your GRE prep to use. :-]

"sen"sational,
yes, well. on a lighter note, i don't walk under ladders because there's invariably some worker or the other waiting aloft to drench me with paint.

Anonymous said...

MQube,
Subtle difference between its and it's :-|

Well,you can attribute that to CAT prep.. but dont burn your fingers.
And if you unfortunately do,it could be more troublesome to dial from a keypad with them. Okay.. I decidedly wont be the jerk!

Bob said...

*sigh*
i agree.especially the friendship bit.*deep sigh*

rainbeau_peep said...

anon,
You are absolutely correct.

vuv,
it isn't that i have a problem with you imbibing the cult of ramdev baba in every breath you take, but to not leave off even within the realm of online writing - realy, you know.
and does not my invigorating presence count for anything? do i not light up your life with malignant happiness?
will your ass not proceed Milonwards at the 30th minute past noon today?

Dhruva said...

:(
This is so different from the usual posts you make.It made me shifty when I read it.(and melancholy,too)

Incidentally, you say 'The loss of a best friend'.It can come without death.It can come from disillusionment, amongst other things.

I will not say dumb things like 'I understand'.Even if I did.

rainbeau_peep said...

dhruva,
Yes, i thought it might be a nice change to leave off writing about constipation.
The loss of a best friend through any circumstances leaves you feeling a little helpless, doesn't it? It's best though, to appreciate the company of people who are there.
That's a brilliant last post you've put up on your blog, by the way.

Dhruva said...

Yes, well, of sorts.We all learn to cope and I agree with the genral idea, and make best of things.
(Thank you, you are most kind)

kaichu said...

"I am tearing down the plastic moneyplant that winds itself around a lamp that hangs down three floors from a long brass chain attached to the ceiling on the top floor of our house."

tui please beche thak. onek onek ONEK din.