Friday, May 25, 2007

My Friends / Why I am Nucking Futs

Written in the hand of a four-year old. *For no better reason than that it makes poor grammar and shabby writing so much more excusable.*

Bob : Does illegal things to underwear. Takes off with mine. [Both statements are true, Bob, and you know it. Nyeh heh heh.]

Kaichu : Recites perverse limericks at 5 in the morning, in a careworn and spiritual manner, following an entirely sleepless 48 hours of examprep and post-exam debauchery respectively, much like you would do the surjo nomoshkar, or listen to Anuradha Paudwal as you sit for morning prayers. [I wouldn't either. But, you know, in a manner of speaking]. Also thinks masked men with mouthfuls of spiked and yellowing teeth are hot.

Panu : Undoubtedly evil. Knows things about me my closest friends have no clue about, just by taking one dismissive look at my palm. Predicts a shockingly sparse sex life but an incredibly fulfilling love life for me. Go figure. Or, To a nunnery, go?
Is under the mistaken notion that Kaichu belongs to her, when it is as it were, famously known across the land that Kaichu, as we know and love her, is entirely mine.

Dhruva : Has a shocking taste in house pets. Used to possess, nurture, and call his own the reptile-that-must-not-be-named. Not on this blog, no. Now every time I see him, I think he looks just that little bit more like the r-that-m-n-b-n'ed. But he doesn't know I think that. Ok, now he does. [Hi Dhruva! You're funny! *waves*] Tells ghost stories that cause light amusement, much to his chagrin.

Deep : Provides a soundtrack for and graphically describes the act of taking a crap in the buff while cussing cockroaches losing their way through the labyrinthine enclosures that are the individual curls of his leg hair.
Haha, I actually wrote that. Haha.

Prepostopoulos : Creates alternate sitcom universes. Has covered Seinfeld with me. Once thought he was escorting a girl to the dance floor, only to turn around and find her in a brawl and subsequently on the floor with an injured foot. Yes, he Did still dance with her. My friends have grit. They have determination. What? They do!

There are the others, of course. But they're seriously messed up. It wouldn't be funny talking about them. Really. That other lot is in Trouble.
*or I'm too tired to narrate those funny stories just yet. Wait for it. 'Twill come.*

So you see, dear reader, whom I love like a lost puppy - it really isn't my fault.

14 comments:

Rimi said...

Someone please invite PB to this blog. Peepsiecola and Panu fight over Lesbia and Sappho (otherwise known as Rimi and various other irrelevant things) smirks from the sidelines.

Because at the end of the epic battle, when the Peep shall clutch her heart and wheeze, and Panu will lie sprawled, battlespent, it is *I*, Rimi (otherwise known as etc etc) who will walk away with the Kaichu. Otherwise known as Lesbia.

I just know Kaichu will have something dreadfully dismissive to say to this.

For ours is a love that dare not speak its name.

Rimi said...

Incidentally, if anyone remembers who Lesbia ACTUALLY was, you may take up the matter with PB.

Teleute said...

Kaichu Is Mine. The Curse Of The Cake On All Those Who Beg To Differ. And No Cake For Kaichu, If She Dares Disagree.

kaichu said...

Shit.

At this point, I shall be wise and keep my opinions and affiliations to myself.

* I love you ALL *

* and Bake That Cake, woman!! *

kaichu said...

Peepsie Pie, just you wait. We shall be together in the mountains, you'll have stories _then_.

Heh.

panu said...

kaichu is... without any doubt, MINE. so fat bottomed girls and scrawny freaks can just lay OFF!!!


makes faces at Jawnota

Btw, shall be predicting horrific death by Kaichu-congestion, jodi na tumi madam lay off....

hrileena said...

Really, somebody should inform PB of this comments section at least. He'll be tickled pink!

The Kaichu is great fun.

Why should we take up the matter with PB if we KNOW who Lesbia was? It would make more sense to take the matter up with him if we didn't know.

rainbeau_peep said...

Rimesh heshammiya,
I know you're spouting literature in an abysmally dry, sexless attempt at winning kaichu off of my passionate advances, but all I'm getting from this is just how very strongly kaichu must entirely be mine.
Moreover, I don't understand this strange obsession with including PB in our orgiastic fantasies. Maane, ki kando. I'd rather not have PB looking all beady-eyed and rebuking me in OE for my illicit love affairs.
Also, now that I have googled, did you know Lesbia was Catallus' lover? and Catallus' first name was Gaius.
Haha, Lesbia and Gaius.
Don't judge me. I may be stupid, but I'm good.

Utey,
from where you are urey aashing and jurey boshing in all this? I will bake cake for Kaichu. Do not lure her with transfats.

Kaichu,
Listen, you stay out of this. This is between me and the ever-increasing barrage of women I must ward off for you. Swat like flies ebhen.
Passyon ta dekhteso?
Sikkim sikkim korey bhoi dekhiyo na.

Panu,
hmm. queen. i am. but i'm also stones. i'm like a rainbeau, as it were.

Hrileena,
Being the only woman so far who has BOTH talked sense, and not professed violent love for or made flabbergasting proprietory claims over Kaichu, I am now, officially fond of you.

Dhruva said...

I couldn't think of a hissterically funny comment, so I made a bad pun.
Also, life has been very trying :|

DD said...

now now. put some control on the description of your blog.

priyanka said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Rimi said...

Also, now that I have googled, did you know Lesbia was Catallus' lover? and Catallus' first name was Gaius.

'Did you know'? 'Did you know'??? Second comment ta keno korechhilam, mairi? Tor comment count baranor jonno? Ami raat teente te tor blog porte paari, kintu ototao preme porini!

Aar Rimesh Heshammiya? Bolte palli? Mukhe aatkalo na? Hartless! Nirlojjo! Lies, damn lies and bumfluff!

Rapid I Movement said...

"Futs" ?!

rainbeau_peep said...

dhruva,
DEWD. You're telling me? I have no job, no vacation, and no voice.
Anyway, stop reading blogs and study some for them exam things, you lucky still-a-student bastard you.

dd,
this from the man who gifted me toilet paper on Facebook. :-|

fish,
now try 'b'.
:-p

rimi,
durr ghoraddim. lesbia us paar, mein is paar .. and other love and longing type songs.

stuntmaster,
"nucking futs". like "fucking nuts", only better. donno how.