Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How I Got B!@tch$l@pped by Life and a Little Green Man Called REGURGITATE

Riiight. So I must be evil or Jesus Christ or something. Because nothing explains this suffering, and I don't bloody care who I'm redeeming, 'cuz this sucks. Do you know where I'm supposed to be right now? In Sikkim, on my honeymoon, 8000 ft above ground, in a little hamlet called Ravangla, dancing with the clouds and my one true love. Instead, where am I? At home with viral fever, coughing blood and arrrrrghhhhhhh. Writing a blogpost. *aaaaaaaaaaaargggh*
Oh yea, while we're doing updates, I'm married. It's a surprisingly short story. Don't congratulate me yet. I've clearly not taken well to the change in social circumstances. Anyway, our parents don't know yet. Likely never will. Not mine, at least. [Trust me, it's not a very big deal. Hey P, uhm ... lover bunchie wunchie ... type. Don't fall off a cliff!].
I've had a headache ever since I can remember, so I'll probably just do this in tabular form. If none of this makes sense, you'll know I'm still same ol' me.
First off, it's raining and you know the regular smell of rain-fresh earth? Yea, what I'm smelling is freshly-baked pizza bread, complete with toppings - herbs, the oregano, the anchovies. What the hell? My ..... ok, I want to say nosebuds, but I know that's wrong .. the smelling things .. are all haywire. I'm on too much medication. Fruit juice tastes like water, water tastes like the sea. I'm not making any of this up. Ok, i'm not making most of this up.
Right, in point form. My life and how regally it sucks.

* I caught the viral fever the day before we were scheduled to leave for Sikkim. My aunt said I got it from her mother-in-law, who passed away on Friday night, having lived 82 glorious years, partying wildly and praying fanatically in equal measure. She was very generous too and much of what I insist is my puppy fat is all that chocolate and cheese she fed me as a child. God bless her soul. So, here I was,shivering me timbers and wondering why the rum was gone, and my beloved mother was on the phone with my aunt, taking instructions as to the shape and design of just the right sort of leaden key that keeps recently belated grandmotherly types from having you join them in their heavenly abode.
And you know what's spooky? Everytime I had the key under my pillow, the fever was slightly under control, if you call veering between 101 and 103 under control. This one time the key slid away without any of us noticing, and the fever shot up to 105! I realised later that the key wasn't under the pillow, but for that period of time I really thought I was a goner.
And clearly there were forces conspiring against letting me go on vacation, because at 10:20 last night? Which was about 20 minutes past the train had left Sealdah station with half of my honeymoon and many of my friends? What do you know, the fever was gone! I mean, 99 is nothing. NOTHING i tell ya.
This sucks. They're sending me weepy smses and calling me pissdrunk from the hills. But that doesn't help. Primarily cause the network's a bitch. (:-[)

* Ok, what else has been happening, now that I don't want to talk about my stupid fever, and this stupid jinx that I have on me, which will never ever let me go to Sikkim, like, twice in a row. Oh, I fell asleep in the gym the other day. Was woken up by the instructor barely 10 minutes into it. Pity.
So yea, I'm bringing sexy back, alright.

* Why am I on a mad linking spree? Because my friend Joy, and I swear to God I want to link his webpage and a thousand other things that googling him has brought up, but I know he'd blow my brains out if he ever found out, or at the very least make my computer grow wings and do the birdie dance -so anyway, my friend Joy, taking into consideration my abject state of unemployment, suggests I should blog on topics that will bring more people to my blog. And then I could approach corporates to place their ads here and make money while I teach you a thing or two about Justin Timberlake or Raspberry Lip Balm.
So am I going about this the right way? Is this just the beginning of a million bucks and a private island? You bet not.

* Speaking of jobs, I had a job interview some days ago, and when asked about the kinds of books I enjoy reading in Bangla, I meantioned, not a Mahasweta Debi, or even a Sarat Chandra or a Bankim or most commonly, a Tagore, but, Teni Da.
No they haven't called yet and you needn't rub it in.

I will now pop pills with not a care in the world, and then proceed to watch some good ol' Monty Python. Screw the links.


Anonymous said...

I'm not even sure how to respond. Is this a real marriage or is this the kind that if i say 'congrats anyway!' all your friends will snicker at the naivete of the blogging world :|

But really, congrats on your marriage -real or otherwise :D

Confused n Baffled said...

my deepest condolences. and even though it must feel like a knife being twisted in an old wound left untreated from the heat of a long and painful battle involving sharp knives and bayonets and whatnot, i just returned from sikkim 2 days ago.

to proceed, it was awesomely lovely!! i didnt go to ravangla or all that. stayed at gangtok and visited the beautiful surrounding areas and...

would go on rubbing it in, but i feel bad for the viral thingy. so once you're okay and in the mood to live sikkim through someone else's experiences, *lol*, catch it on my blog.

it was fantastic! or did i say that already? take care!

Rimi said...

@C and B--excellent! Almost didn't spot the plugging-self's-blog line there. Well done!

Peep, see, I don't want to rub it in, but had you any sense or even a sense of self-preservation, you'd have forced your half-honeymoon to stay back. Out in the high (hNeh hNeh) wilderness and denied much anticipated puppy-fat hugs, hoo knows what P is getting up to?


P.S: people who don't call you 'cause you say you read Tenida are braindead morons with no sense of humour.

Poorna Banerjee said...

AWW... and i did not know at all...

Ah well, bebbe... we were not destined to sample the beauty life has to offer. I started training, and this is gonna be the third day, and already i feel sleepy.

btw, dirty babe, you see these shackles?

Confused n Baffled said...

@rimi: ahem. you burn with jealousy do you not? ha! i can see the smoke rise miles away.

rainbeau_peep said...

how air ya!?
Ok, so the marriage isn't legally binding. On several levels. But it's a marriage all the same, so thanks. :-]

confused & baffled,
I blow my nose at you, you stoopeed. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Pfft.
Dialogue courtesy: Monty Python
Who said that?! I didn't say that! Thank you for the sympathies. So overwhelmingly heartfelt.
*sticks out tongue*

I have full faith in my bigger half. Do not snerk at my pains, you inciter of evil K-serially thoughts, you.

yuppety. most distressing. PLUS i have some wrist pain thing going on here. so, awesome.
anyway, you're doing vowels with hot person instructor or whoever. so stop complaining, beeyatch.
and mairi, aami ki Paris Hilton naki? I don't see no shackles. I see, if the fever doesn't act up again, Ocean's 13.
Brimful of optimism.

aei you. take yer smoke signals outside, chief.
if i ain't smoking, nobody else goddamn will.

Dhruva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dhruva said...

Amio jete pari ni. Toh ki hoeche. :|

Anonymous said...

look at the bright side... i didn't fall off a cliff, and you're still married! AND i like you even when your make-up runs in the heat. (also when it sprints; it's a fascinating sight)

hee hee.

sikkim was super-awesome. but it's almost as good to come back and find meself featuring on blogpost... makes me think that u almost missed me.. (trip? what trip?)

chin up, and what a pwetty chin it is too, but let's not get distracted here, wokay love? there will be other trips, i am certain. as i am equally certain that there will be jobs. good ones as well.

until then,

waKao!!!! tindin din dindin!!!

Kaichu said...

and yes, i was vuv-obsessed a tad, but as she said, it was us two against the Beastie Boys.

But it didn't go beyond a mildish picture-taking obsession types, swear! so u can safely karate-chop rimi and her (hopefully not)suspicion-inducing suggestions.

Anonymous said...

"mildish picture taking obsession" ?!?!
do you want me to tell her what kind of, ahem , pictures you were deviously attempting to take?!!hoom?
it was only my undaunting loyalty towards my friend, and my inherent unwillingness of robbing her of her bigger half that kept us from creating a "SIKKIMEY SCANDAL"
although i did get tempted...

Anonymous said...

and not just pictures. videos too. dirty ones, i assure you, at that.

rainbeau_peep said...

Shut up. You had exams. I wouldn't go on vacation during exams.

Bigger Half and Bob,
I knew it.
I want a divorce. And custody of Bob + the 5300.

Kaichu said...


there is no trust in the world.

but i am still staunchly proclaiming my louuue for you to the world.