Sunday, October 28, 2007

Jodhpur heaven fetish

Those, my pretties, are apparently search words that will bring you to this blog. Not that I've ever been to Jodhpur or heaven, and I don't remember discussing my fetish here either. What does it even mean, Jodhpur heaven fetish? Some kind of strange desert-spirituality-gone-perverse thingy, I suspect. Leave me out of it, is awl I'm saying.

I made my first plastic purchase on the 19th of this month. This is not something you need to know, of course, but then, most of what I write here isn't either.

Like my chocolate cravings, I suddenly have this intense, inexplicable, paralysing desire to be fabulously rich. It's different from the garden-variety desire for wealth, which, I usually don't have anyway. Suddenly I want a weekend getaway chateau in .. oh, I dunno ... Belgravia (am I making up this place? I don't know, but I sure as hell know exactly what it looks like) and want to be able to afford every fucking spa treatment at Ananda.

I also want to live on tuna and truffle cake for the rest of my life.

Yes, that is correct, I am burning up with fever.

I thought Pujos would be miserable this year, what with the job and everything, but I had an enjoyable Pujo. I didn't sleep, worked from afternoon to evening, then festive-cheered all night till late morning, then back to work in the afternoon, till I was ready to collapse. But it was great.
It bothers me a little bit that I spend every fucking Pujo with a new set of friends. Every single year. I'm a drifter, aren't I? Bob, I apologise. There is in me, a very screwy something that I do not care to share. I hope that excuse was cute enough for forgiveness. Ish, that was not sarcasm, promise. Just defensiveness. Promise. Please don't leave a comment.

Ok, what else. My friends. They're great. I just wish they wouldn't try to deconstruct me. Or, assault me physically [I'd say rape, but that wouldn't be politically correct. I'm a fucking journo now. p.s.: They did try to spread my legs, though]. Panu and Pablo, I'm looking at you.
My other friend thinks I'm an idiot. Plenty of people, I suspect, think I'm an idiot. But I think I'm smarter than many of them. Emphatically. Look at these last statements. Q.E.D.

Gawd. It's the bleedy paracetamol combined with some other fecking pills. I swear I'm quite nice. Haha, plenty of people think I'm a "good person". Thank you, brothers and sisters.

Doods, if I don't quit smoking I will seriously die. It's a struggle, this breathing. Honest bolchhi. Ma go ma, I am so never going near a cigarette again. Of course, it may also be that I'm so FAT now that my lungs are clogged up with all the cheese and the 24/7 thoughts of crispy chicken and Valrhona.
Deep, deep inside somewhere, I think I'm Britney Spears.

I can't fucking believe I'm writing this shit. Who is reading this, I wanna know.

Ok, I'll stop. Forgive me, gentle reader, for the liberal use of fuck. You will now please to fornicate fiendishly elsewhere.

[holy crap, I must be very ill]


Arundhati said...

ki mushkil, tor inner screwy something ta aabar aami share kotte chaibo keno?

rainbeau_peep said...

do not get into the whys and the wherefores, is what I'm saying.

Unknown said...

Yours in sickness :(

get well soon .

(hacking cough )

thalassa_mikra said...

I swear I came because I like reading the shit you write (and not "Jodhpur heaven fetish" or even "sexy Bengali aunties"). Et tu Valhrona? Very nice!

Why be rich when you can have rich friends? Less work and more fun!

dreamy said...

Oh, I read your blog.

fuck, I love it!

and deep deep inside, I am Britney Spears too.

Rapid I Movement said...

This Britney thing sounds like...bad Bangladeshi porn, y'know!

Kaichu said...

you think that an actual house is a pandal, and the lady sitting inside on the verandah is a robot put in by pujo organisers.

and this, when you were not ill, but gorgeous.

i rest my case.

Arundhati said...

vut can i get into that "what?" ?. essentially, "what the fuck?"?:P

Poorna Banerjee said...

Thyang kholo thyang kholo.......

Just a reminder.

We are your parents, darling, this just stinks of incest a bit. And well, don't tell me you did not like it when we tried to put lipstick on you-know-who.

Btw, fetish to bujhlam, tor anek achhe, setao jani. Heaven o bujhi. Why Jodhpur? tor ki jodhpuri nagra niye fetish achhe??

just a thought....

Sam said...

you have lost it!! had my doubts wen i stated reading.. adn wen i finished confirmative... britney spears?? WTF!!!
anywyz, to each her own!!

Anonymous said...

With regards to blogging (and by defualt bloggers), for an inexplicable reason after reading this post,one feels vindicated.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Cue Tiku Talsania ... Yeh kya ho raha hai? Yeh sab KYA ho raha hai, mujhe KUCHH samajh mein nahi aa raha hai !


rainbeau_peep said...

shaky. ki holo? stop smoking, ya sorry fart.

You give me hope, now that my blog is mostly about manic depression and not a happy thought in the world.
I adore the Valrhona dark chocolates, my boss brings some for all of us when he goes on tour. Which is pretty darned awesome.
Jeez, rich friends. They're always the wrong kind of rich.

You're a darling. And, when one wakes up to being Britney Spears, the only thing to do is to try not to flash one's womanly bits at the world.

Uhm. Er. Why?
I'd accept britney sounding like a bone disease, but .. porn?

in my defence, i hadn't slept in 48 hours, hullo? plus i was working!
erom to bhaabtei paari. and anyway, the house was bang in the MIDDLE of a thoroughfare! who builds a house in the middle of the road! main road at that! also, the lady wasn't moving, she wasn't even blinking. u know that. hmph.

past patishapta,
we have had this conversation already.

this may be a good time to tell you that the song actually goes thhyang Tolo thhyang Tolo.
i don't have too many fetishes. only one. and even that one, i can do without.
you are not my parents. i refuse such contaminat[ed/ing] pedigree. refuse, i tell ya.

Your affirmation is so ... disheartening.

vindicated? vindictive, i would understand :-D but vindicated? ah well, thank you, i s'pose. :-]

yeh film chalegi, phir?

mojo said...

prolaap..porte kintu hebby laage!!

Unknown said...

lets make simulataneous pledges then .Practice what you preach. :D

Poorna Banerjee said...

thyang kholo sounds grosser.

rainbeau_peep said...

e ma. boddo profound, bolle hobe?

shuorer naathi.

harem er haramjadi.