Friday, December 07, 2007

Perchance to dream

Dudes, sleep. It is the luxury of those who keep sane company. What with one lot of people with real relationships that are in shambles, and the other lot who keep having relationships that are all in their heads – my life is pretty full right now.

Excuse me, large women of the world. Please come together in a round table meet where we discuss the prospects of my ever walking into a shop all tralala and walking out of it, still tralala, but with a pair of ossum jeans that make my ass look nice and my thighs look notgross. Because what is the point of being large if you can’t tell the whole world about it, and discuss and analyse it yet never once consider going to the gym for it. Correct. So anyway, I’ve needed a pair of jeans ever since this blog was born. Children, that is not good. On Saturday then, I shall set out, sagging belly in one hand, and brand new plastic card in the other, and shop for jeans. I cannot even begin to explain how momentous this event is.
The trouble with winter is, what with all the moisturising, you can’t quite ignore issues like surface area. Ok wotever. Seriously, I want recommendations for jeans that look nice on fat people. I need brands, and don't say Levi's. Levi's jeans are too thick. Me no like. You wouldn’t either if you kept scraping the skin off your fingers every time you had to pull your thick jeans on, which, even though you bought them 3 months ago, are now so tight you have to lie on your back and do a complicated wiggle, because your ass? It grows exponentially. So Levi’s is out. Don’t say Guess, because I have seen those mannequins, and they could do with some fried chicken. I am ethically against entering a shop that has irrationally skinny mannequins. Tell me other brands. Quick now.

In other news, I will never get a tattoo. Or go bungee jumping. And there is absolutely no way for you to prove that I’ve been blogging from work.

14 comments:

panu said...

Bare.

Thin and sticks to your butt like glue... at the same time it is stretch material.


Trust me, I know the fit of a jeans.

Opaline said...

Lee, Athena and I have the same thing in different colours, very flattering, stretch also. Flared but.Levix is terrible, I own a pair I havent worn in two years, too thick, thassright.

panu said...

I agree with S. Lee is SoGood. Just dont try to get the low waist ones... they really are a trial to get into.

btw, TAG. for more info, goto my blog.

ruby tuesday said...

tiny women of the world suffer from quite a different ordeal. everything falls off, and children's jeans have elastics at the waist and tweety motifs on the butt. i shall recruit a similar-sized shopping army too, i swear.

Ron said...

Where and when are you having this round table of large women?? I HAVE to be there!!

I have no useful suggestions to gve on the matter of jeans..considering I dont own a single decent pair. Snifff!!!

sandman said...

Don't diss the Levi's , they are every self-respecting (ex)hostelite's precious.They get soft.

P.S. : Big Girls you are beautiful.

Confused & Baffled said...

go for bare i say! its the safest route.

or you could always buy baggy pants and vehemently argue to bring extra loose fits back in trend.

Dhruva said...

wear skirts.

kaichu said...

she does.

Dhruva said...

stick to them.
(in a manner of speaking)

panu said...

BARE. ITOLDYOUSO. Its good. The high waisted ones at least.

Opaline said...

Highwaisted is nflattering. You wear long tops anyway. Low waisted I say.

rainbeau_peep said...

panu,
I used to own one. It was bootcut, very soft denim and I loved the feel of the fabric. But something about their cuts draws attention to ur thighs. I do NOT need any more attention on my thighs. Their straight fits are good, but how wrong can you go with straight fits anyway. Deal is, I want bootcut.

opaline,
I did try out some Lee jeans. They were nice, I'll admit, but seeing as how they stopped at the groin, I'm thinking I need something more age-appropriate and ... just ... generally, bhNuri covering. But I'll go to the Lee store sometime. I haven't seen yours but I love the pair Athe wears.

panu,
arey midwaist bootcut kothao peley to. shetai to khNujchhi. I spent 4 hours of a saturday afternoon not buying jeans. Ki colossal waste of an off day. Did get 2 pairs of corduroys, though. I think I'm growing old. Somehow the idea of corduroy pants is more appealing than a pair of jeans right now.

ruby,
Go away. Leave my blog this instant. My explorer windows are closed to those who wear anything smaller than a 28" waist. I will not have you doing your skinny campaigning here, you hear me?!
Children's jeans, indeed!
Someone get me an egg n mayo sandwich quick.

ron,
I know the precise whys and wherefores of that. C'mere sister, we need to bond over fried chicken.

sandman,
That lame attempt at making me feel better may have worked if you were in fact Mika. Seeing as you're not a pretty white boy with oodles of new money at all, I could just kick you on your shins. Do not Levi's me. I have Levi's. Had. I'm not arguing about their cuts, but that fabric is all kinds of tough. I'll wear Levi's when I have to man the tow truck, thank you.

confused and baffled,
I will not take fatfashion advice from skinny male children. Begone. I hate your type, with all your bleddy metabolism and your bleddy diet coke guzzling.

dhruva,
No. YOU wear skirts!

Kaichu,
Thanx, luv.

Dhruva,
You will not give me fashion tips, Lily. I am yet to get over some of the things you wear. But seriously, I'd wear skirts, but I don't like any of the A-lines at Fabindia anymore, and besides, skirts = waxed legs. Too much trouble, and not very smart in winter.

panu,
Opaline's right. High-waisted doesn't work for someone who's both short and fat. Besides, it's very Eighties, the nightmare era of fashion - though many would disagree. I want a decent waist - a midwaist or something. I'll be happy if my pants end at my navel or even an mm below it, that's all.

Opaline,
I wear kurtas. with kurta-pants.
wtf .. salwars. You're my kinda shopper, clearly. Tell me where to get long tops - like Westernwear. I do not find. I need. I yearn for. The belly, it must not be on display. Not mine, at any rate.

Everyone,
I think I've snapped at some of you. I didn't mean to, honest. You just have no idea how much I dislike shopping. Especially shopping for pants. It always ends in tummy ache and scabby fingers. Not nice at all. Thanks for all the tips, though. Really. I'm gonna go take a last shot at Lee. But you know, I'm about 15 kilos overweight. Now is probably not the right time for jeans.

Natasha said...

I don't know if you're still looking for a pair of decent jeans and I don't know if you have a decent Pepe shop in Kolkata. But I got this incredible pair of dark blue(thinning) stretch bootcut jeans from there. And I bought three pairs. I don't wear any other jeans now.

They're mid waist, and fit the salsa-thighs and butt nicely and flare just the right amount. Theyre called "comfort' fit(for all the right reason, i might add) and they're quite thin(in terms of material) too.

I think they're perfect for us lovely buxom zaftig curvacious women. :-)